Sorry Not Sorry

Seeing that you and I are in the same sphere. In my utopian idea, you are not so distant.

You stand up, stand in for a stance, but there’s no support. No fingerprints. No gloves, no shoes, no pants. Naked bodies, bare ideas lacerated. Blindsided, infatuated.

You’ve been misinterpreted by a jerk who tells you what he sees, but that’s him deflecting blame and doing a shitty job of it.

Or does it depend?

Depend on what you see and what they see…depending on what the structure is, how that thinking, why that thought came about.

Then they break the code.

Does it bother you when they bring up your past? Depends on if they’re trying to hurt you. I came to you in confidence, and you took that information and used it against me to make me bleed. But what you’ve really accomplished is separation. The distance is loud and sickening and inevitable.

Does it bother you when they compare your family to theirs? Your mom bought those Swarovski sunglasses for you, you don’t even work. You’re a daughter, a slave.

But you’re white and I’m desi. I’ve never had to work a day in my life.

I’m not even of your world.

It’s not fair for them to say these things. They don’t know you. They’re the losers, not you. You are trying your best. You are doing your best by loving yourself.

Insult them back, and they tell you your insults are “uncreative.” Meanwhile they have run out of ideas and call you retarded. Your skin is hot because you are wasting your time with an idiot.

You’re not trying to be needy.

What hurts the most is that you were friends with his girlfriend. Someone who called you her best friend. Yet recently she has been talking over you, shutting you out of conversations, and now she takes her boyfriend’s side over you. Letting him shit talk you in front of her. No loyalty.

I feel scathed when you look at me with hate, and I know that deep down you’re not this way. If we’re taking it out on each other, getting in each other’s faces, then I’ll keep the peace and shut up. Or I’ll say fuck it, and say what I want to say.

But eventually, I’ll walk away.

I come in like a hurricane in your room and I knock everything over. I keep you mad, and then I ignore you.

No words exchanged between you and the deranged.

We are in different spheres.

We are not friends.

 

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